Sincerely Sandy

Why I Missed My Forty Year HS Class Reunion

I am just so mad at myself for not attending my fortieth year high school class reunion. I can only admit that it was pride that kept me from going. Forty years ago I was young, slim, attractive and had the world by the tail. I was the planner, the organizer, the absolute life of the class of ‘68. I thought my high school years were the best years of my life and I vowed to all my friends on graduation day that I would never miss a class reunion. I kept that promise for twenty years. I attended the 10th and 20th year reunions.

By the time the thirtieth reunion rolled around I was in the deepest rut of my life and I didn’t want to see anyone, especially the “kids” who thought I would rule the world with great achievements. I had done rather well…I had four wonderful children…still the best thing I have ever done. The other accomplishments in my life were, well, less than stellar. I didn’t go to college, I didn’t have a successful marriage and I was still reeling from the that failure.

In the ten years since the thirtieth reunion I have been on many levels. Up and down. I have started and stopped, whined and praised. In my fifties I was still finding myself as they used to say in the ‘70’s. At the half century mark one would think you would have found yourself or at least stopped looking. However, I am stubborn and refused to lie down and quit. I have come through many storms a better person, yet somewhere a long the way I lost my self confidence. No longer was I a leader, no longer did I have great aspirations for life and I wasn’t the life of the party anymore. In fact I haven’t been invited to any parties in a long time because I became a downer, meaning I am no fun.

I truly intended to attend my class reunion this year. I really did. I thought I was up to the task and even planned with another reluctant classmate to go. When I received the form to register I froze completely up. I had heart palpations and I broke into a cold sweat. There was no way I was going to that reunion! No way. I wasn’t young anymore, I wasn’t thin, I wasn’t funny and I wasn’t pretty. Yep, I had succumbed to the world’s standards regarding appearance vs. my inner self. What a cop out!

I have been told over and over God looks in the heart for beauty and love. If only my former classmates would be so forgiving…but I didn’t give them a chance to show me that appearances didn’t matter. I chose not to give them a chance. I failed the people that I had known for twelve years in every way. We started school in the first grade together, we went through puberty, we went through acne, bad hair days, we lost our innocence the day Kennedy was killed, we stumbled through Algebra together, we cried with one another and laughed ourselves senseless because we were high on life.

God is a God of second chances , however, I won’t get another chance to go to the fortieth reunion of my high school. I blew it! When I missed the thirtieth year reunion the attendee’s called to ask why I didn’t come. This year no calls! I guess the class thought I had lost interest in them, which really isn’t true at all.

God has a plan for a reunion one of these days. I hope I am invite to attend. While I haven’t been too reliable in life I pray I will jump for joy when the final reunion of my life is at hand. I wish I had gone to the reunion this year. I may not be young, fun or thin, but I loved those kids I went to school with. I wish there was someway I could tell each of them that I goofed up. Maybe they will be like God and give me another chance, say in about another ten years. The sad part if that I am going to be older then dirt by then.

Sincerely,
Sandy